Thoughts Before I Turn 31

2011 This is My Year-Be Beautiful at 32

2011-02-13T16:12:00.000-08:00

It's 2011 , new year, new life, new adventures and new experience to learn. Year 2010 was such a great year to me, there's a lot of good things and not so good things that happened but at the end of it all I gained a lot of experience that I can use as stepping stones in the years to come.

This year, I promise to focus in improving myself inside out,enjoying simple things in life, pampering myself and doing what I want. I will spend more time discovering and exploring things around me.

Spend more time with my loyal friends who stays with me in good times and bad times.

This year I will also explore more of my native land and knowing my roots this way I will also know more about myself so see you around ;)

Christmas is Coming :D

2010-09-02T03:51:00.000-07:00

It's September whoah!!!

The long Christmas celebration now starts here in the Philippines.
You can now hear Christmas songs, see christmas decors and all other stuffs related to Christmas. I am more excited this year more than ever before why?

It's simply beacuse I appreciate life now more than ever, before I used to think....it's Christmas again and I'm still "single" :D. But now, I don't care anymore. As one of the book I read says " it is better to be single than to marry the wrong guy".

I'm happy now although I came from one more failed relationship I know God has a better plan as it is said in His word in my favorite verse Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you plan to prosper you and not to harm you plan to give you hope and a good future".

All my life I hold this promise and I would say that 100% He did what He said and He remain faithful though I have not been faithful.

Thank YOU for the Christmas and Merry Christmas to all I know it's early but I felt it's Christmas everyday.

Why worry if you can pray?

2010-05-17T20:50:00.000-07:00

Why worry if you can pray?

I heard it before from a pastor he says it's always better to pray for something or someone instead of worrying it because worry can just gives you stress. But I guess it is really human nature that we worry a lot, yesterday I saw something online that made me really felt so bad and that's what I've been thinking all day. One side of my mind says don't worry about it trust what you feel, trust your heart. But the other side is shouting, no you should do this, you should do that and so on and so forth. I just go to work early instead because I can't sleep. I already forget about it until I got home. I want to go online again when I reach home but I decided to sleep, when I open my emails I saw an email which eases all my worries. My heart and my mind became peaceful once again, the pastor was right. If people will just learn to pray instead of worrying things, the world becomes a better place to live.

I learned my lesson, from now on I will try my very best to listen with my heart not with my mind. Our heart will definitely lead us to the the right path especially if we let God live in it. He knows the best for us and he will never lead us to anything that will hurt us.

Jena's Wedding

2010-04-25T22:04:00.000-07:00

Jena's wedding get together

Tots,Me, Mommy Rose, Adam and Tolits

Totz singing at Jena's wedding

Stolen Moments

Picture with the bride our bunso at TP

Stolen Moments

Totz, Me and Momi Rose

This is me!! Picture Perfect

2010-04-21T01:16:00.000-07:00

This is me more than 5 years ago (Teaching Days)

Long hair picture for my passport

Last year at friends wedding

Wish I am.....

2010-04-20T20:25:00.000-07:00

Been so busy for the past months and it's been a while since I last created a post, now trying to write again.I am such a moody writer, can't write if not in the mood and when I'm in the mood I don't want to stop.

My mind has a lot to say, things that I've been thinking and meditating over the past few years of my life.Sometimes it makes me smile but most of the time it makes me cry, and as much as I would like to tell it in details I don't know right this moment what really makes me happy and contented.

Did you ever wish you are somebody else and that you are not who you are?Have you ever felt that you have this or that or have you ever wish that you are in the shoes of a person you envied because he/she have the things you wish you have but she doesn't realize the importance of that?

Sometimes I do feel it, or should I say most of the time I wish I am someone else.How can some people be so insensitive and waste the beautiful things that they have while others are trying their best to have it but they can't.

It seems that the world is really unfair,why some has it but does not care about it.While others been begging to have it but still fails.

Wish I am....who you are and wish I have what you have, but the world won't give you all that you want and all that you wished for. The world is round and rotates in it's axis every single minute and things happened in a split second.

I just wish I am you.

Thoughts Before I Turn 31: When Things Get Though

2010-01-29T01:59:00.000-08:00

Thoughts Before I Turn 31: When Things Get Though

When Things Get Though

2010-01-29T01:35:00.000-08:00

There are moments in our lives that things get out of control we wish to do something but things seems to be not going our way. Something saying its not right but we still do it anyway even we are aware that it's not right. That's when things becomes complicated, then we start complaining. We start feeling so down and complaining to God why he let it happened without realizing that its our own fault in the first place.

When things get though we tend to put the blame to other people,situation and even God but we don't realize our own mistakes. When we have lots of worries it usually blocks our eyes with so much cloud.

Its a cloud of fear,worry and shame of what we did but our first defense is to look for someone or something to blame except ourselves.But what should we do in times like this?Some do foolish things like going to vices like drugs, alcoholism and so on or even trying to commit suicide. But what do we really need to do especially in moments that we really don't know what to do?

Best thing is to pause, stop thinking, stop worrying stop looking for excuses. Accept that you have made a mistake and move on, in silence we can usually hear our soul talking to us. That's the time to listen to our heart to the voice deep within and if you still don't know what to do..... kneel and pray or sing a song. If you don't know what to pray about or what to sing just keep silent... you can cry at times. Crying releases our pain, fears and worries and even clears our mind because it rest for awhile because the heart poured its content through our tears.

Then that's the time to move and face the truth that's what I usually do, don't know what others do, but you can try this.

Just a thought for the day

2010-01-25T01:06:00.000-08:00

It's a very tiring weekend for me, my head is aching as well as my whole body because of my niece baptism.But it's a good thing too, I was able to attend church,the preachers sermon is very inspiring. As the theme of the day "New Season" all the things the speaker said was great.It refreshes my spirit and seems I want to do something else. But I have a lot of things to think about and consider, for now what I need is a complete rest as in body rest because I'm so exhausted physically.But I can say that my spirit is somewhat alive and I feel much better deep within.

Happiness

2010-01-15T01:50:00.000-08:00

Happiness....many people been searching for that it's a human's quest second to love.Some thinks that finding love leads to happiness. But does that mean that if you don't have a partner means you don't have love which means you won't and will never have happiness?

Happiness for me is the way a person look into his or her life.it's not the absence or presence of someone special in your heart is the basis of that. It's how you look on the things around you.Count your blessings as they say and look around see for yourself how blessed you are for having the things you have right now. Don't look on the things you don't have. Soon you will find that happiness is inside the heart not in the presence of someone

It's My Birthday!!!!

2009-12-30T00:52:00.000-08:00

Today is my 31st birthday, seems special but it's just ordinary day, no celebration, not even a greeting from a person I expected.But I'm still thankful, another year has come and hopefully more years will be coming.

Just finished reading the book the Alchemist and realizes the things written by the author also applies to me.But like the main character I guess deep inside me though I know my personal legends my fear is bigger than what I thought.

I will read this book again until I have enough courage to do what Santiago did.

What is Christmas for You?

2009-12-23T20:27:00.000-08:00

Christmas eve is coming, for the Christian world it's the best time of the year.But what is the real meaning of Christmas?For some it's the gift or material things, for some it's the family being together, for some it's the gift of love.

But what if you are alone and you don't have a family to call your own or friends are far away and you have no one to spend it but a lonely bed and some pillows or blanket?

Tell me what you can say and what is Christmas for you.

Say what you mean and Mean what you say

2009-12-21T02:41:00.000-08:00

There's time for everything,but as humans we tend to do things in our own way. It's our nature to do what we want, when we want it and how we want it. It's common to everyone and when things go wrong we get frustrated and blame ourselves.But there's nothing we could do no matter how sorry we felt because we already did it anyway.

However there are times we try to do it religiously asking God's guidance. But even in prayers, we asked God to guide us in making major decisions in life,however we already have a pre - conceived answer to our prayers. That's why if things did not go on our way we complain to Him. Does God really answers our prayer?Yes he answers prayer but in different ways.God has three answers to our prayers. He says "Yes" if he knows that our prayer is his perfect will for us. He says "Wait" if it's good but time is still needed to prepare us for what we ask him. Lastly, he says "No" if it's really not good for us and will just do harm.

But as human being we tend to cheat Him in our prayers or sometimes we are not contented with the result. I remember two stories I heard from one of my favorite preacher.

It goes like this....

One day, a man that raises pigs had a prayer, he said, God if you will take care of my pigs I will give you half of them, the man had 10 healthy pigs. Then a pest came by and 5 of the pigs died. The man prayed and thank God, here's what he said on his prayer, God thank you because you keep my pigs from the pest I still have 5 pigs left and you already took your share, referring to the dead pigs.:-)

Here's another story

A man prayed and asked God t give him a bike, he said dear God all I want is a bike that I can use so I can go to work easily. After few days the man got a bike and he was so happy and praises God. One day he pass by his neighbors house and saw that his neighbor got a brand new car. The man became sad and asked God, why you only gave me a bike and you gave my neighbor a brand new car? God answered, you asked for a bike so I gave you a bike.Your neighbor asked for a car that's why I gave him a car.

If God gave us the things we don't need and all the things we wish for what do you think will happen?Just come to think of it, there are times we said or wish something that we really don't mean.What if God gave all of it will it do good or will it do harm?

I'm thankful He don't answer to all my wishes because if He does, oh my maybe I have put many people into something really bad unintentionally.

You tell me, I tell you

2009-12-17T06:04:00.001-08:00

Tell me your story and I will tell you my story.
Tell me your dreams, I will tell you my dreams.
Tell me your fears, I will also tell you my fears.
Tell me the things that makes you happy,
I will also tell you what makes me happy..

Tell me what makes your cry,
I will tell you reasons why I also cried.
Tell me the reason why you love,
I will share mine though it might be sound odd.
Tell me the reason why you can't give love.
I will tell you reason why you should love.

Tell me the reason why you are sad,
I will tell you why you should be glad.
Tell me the reason why you are mad
I also get mad most of the time but that's the funny side of life

Decision To Make

2009-12-15T17:11:00.000-08:00

Please help me out!

It's been quite a long time that I've been thinking about this maybe almost 5 years now, not so long? Well yeah 5 years is a long time but up to this moment I still can't decide on what to do about my career. Should I continue doing what I'm doing right now? Or should I go back to my previous job or profession?

To give you an idea for the people who don’t know me personally as of today I'm a CSA or a customer service agent in an outsourcing company better known as call center. Been with this business for 5 years was able to adjust to a past face environment and graveyard shift. Been living as if I’m part of Edward’s family since I am awake at night and I sleep in the morning and I hate seeing the sun feels as if it will burn me.

I’m use to this job that requires you to be a multi task person that’s why even if you are just sitting for 9 hours that’s 8 hours phone calls 1 hour break it felt like you’ve been in a marathon. The most exhausting part is getting challenging callers. You know callers that keeps on shouting and insisting what they believe if they are wrong. I can’t blame them because some people believe in the saying “customer is always right”. That is only if and if they fully understand their right as a customer, problem is most of them they know their right but they are not willing to respect the right of others. But why did I stay here for such a long time? Answer is, because it pays good compare to the other jobs available currently at least here in the Philippines. But I’m getting tired of it every single day the only reason I’m staying is because I have bills to pay and it’s hard to get new job with the current economic status.

I think I miss the old days when I used to teach children in school, salary is not much but the joy and fulfillment is priceless. As they always say money can’t buy happiness, peace, love and contentment. You can be the richest person but if you are not happy with what you are doing that’s useless. That’s what I feel right now, aside from the feeling that my intelligence already deteriorated.

I’ve planned before to go back to teaching but it’s hard and is getting harder especially now with all the challenges everyone faces financially.So what will I do now?Ahhh my head is aching and my heart is breaking.Oh my oh my I’m really confuse , will I choose money or happiness? Respect from my students or shout from paying customers?

I need your help my friends, what will you do if you were in my shoes?

Please post your comment needs it badly and urgently

Single Blessedness or simply an “Old Maid”

2009-12-15T15:51:00.000-08:00

Is this a choice or a destiny?

Oh my! I’m turning 31 comes December 30, 2009 and I’m so single right this very moment. This will be the last year that I can see my age in the so called calendar. Why that is this calendar only contains 31 days? Well blame it to its maker, my body clock is also ticking I should conceive a child at least by age 30 as per my colleague so the child would be intelligent. But I’m turning 31 few days from now and I’m so damn single! How can I have a child then? Am I really worried about it? I guess I’m not, or should I worry about it?

If I would assess myself I would say that I’m just starting to enjoy my life as single. I had so many things in the past that I had to do. Responsibility in Filipino culture so to say. I really did not enjoy any of my life’s stages be it in childhood, teenage years or being a young adult or young professional. But I won’t say I regret anything I’ve gone through or I’ve done in favor of my family. I’m only saying I’m just starting to live my life after years of sacrifices.

Being single at my age without any serious relationship or even dating someone, am I destined to be single forever? Some say that I should be thinking of marrying right now. In addition to that most of my colleague has their own family and their kids are on their primary years now. As a matter of fact every single time I go home to my province the first question they pop up instead of asking how are you is “when are you getting married’? Even if I go to church same question pops up, especially when my youngest sister had her own family and child. That’s why there are times that I don’t want to show my face to them because I’m tired of hearing the same question over and over again.

One time I chatted with my cousin, we have not seen each other for a long time so we talk for sometime but then again the issue is still the same. Why am I still single, that I’m getting old and I don’t even have a “boy let” or so. She even teased me that I’m the number one old maid candidate.

Sometimes it really irritates me, but it also gives me reason to contemplate and ask myself. Do I really want to be single forever? Am I planning of getting married, have my own family and kids? My answer is I do, I want to have my own family and kids. Maybe it’s not yet the right time or maybe the right man has not come or we have not bump to each other yet. It may sound weird but I felt as if I’m just fifteen and starting to discover the joys and the pains of romantic relationship with the opposite sex.

I’m really not an expert when it comes to relationship especially of the opposite sex, I’d rather say I’m actually dim-witted about it. Or should I say I never really had that much experience because I have this certain standard I’m looking for in a guy. I’d rather choose not to have a boyfriend instead of sticking to a person I don’t love or like. Another reason was I don’t want to start my family without any savings or anything solid I can depend on. They say that getting married comes on the right time, and when that time comes I want to be really prepared not just financially but also emotionally.

I once read a book and there’s a line that really strike me it goes like this…”it’s better to be single than to marry the wrong one”. I definitely agree with this statement, so if you are a single and you have a boyfriend right now and your dying to hear from him the question that every single girl in a relationship wanted to hear. This makes them feel as if they were riding in cloud nine. Think twice or even seventy seven times are you sure you want to hear the question “will you marry me”? Or you are just pressured because your friends and the people you know with the same age bracket are all married and have their own kids?

I heard a pastor said in a sermon about love one Sunday, “if you are not happy being single then don’t even think of getting married”. He even added, if you are not happy being single and just thinking of getting married because you want to fill that “something” missing in your life its better if you stay single. He also added that if you are not happy with your life as a single and your partner is also not happy with his life. Then you two decided to get hook in a marriage, you are combining two unhappy people and what would be the end result then? So again assess yourself, what’s the reason why you are dying to get married. Are you ready to face the challenges with this new face of life or you’re only scared to be tagged as “old maid’? Well let’s make it sound a bit nice to the ears “single blessed”.

I won’t be hypocrite, that’s the same thing I really wanted to hear from my ex, but things are really complicated though we both love each other. Since there are a lot of things that we need to consider in getting married we ended up separating and wait for the right time God says I’m the one or he is the one. If you are in a relationship and you are still looking for qualities your partner didn’t have then its better not to jump to the next level. But if you are sure that he is the imperfect person you are looking for and you are ready to accept him/her for what he/she is then go ahead. Just make sure the feeling is mutual or else you are putting yourself in a life of misery.

Now again, is single blessedness a choice or destiny? I would boldly say it’s a choice, I don’t believe in destiny. We choose our own destiny even during the time of Adam and Eve; we all know what happened, so same thing about being single.

So am I doomed to be single forever? Again, it’s still a choice I haven’t finally decided at this point. It might be a choice that I will make simply because I had no choice at all. I want to have my own family, I guess everybody does. I’m really not a very picky person, but I guess it is just proper to look for someone who will perfectly love the imperfect me. If I found the one then praise God if not then still thank God, there’s a lot of things that can make a man or woman complete. No one can tell that my life is incomplete just because I’m single. Or that I will grow old alone and nobody will take care of me because I don’t have husband or kids. Many married people with kids grow old alone, it’s either their partner died early and they never had a child, in worst cases their children abandoned them.

Being single does not necessarily means you will grow old sad, alone and lonely, it’s really up to the person. Happiness is also a choice, you cannot depend it to anyone or anything. If things can be created, I believe we can also create things that will make us happy it’s all in the mind.

For now, since I’m single, I’ll just be happy about it I can do things that a married woman can’t. Why should I worry much, it will only make me old and ugly. If I stay happy I will stay young and pretty and who knows one of the people reading this might be the one. I don’t lose hope, but even if I nobody comes I’ll just be thankful because I’ve learned how to love and be love even for a while. I may not have a boyfriend right now but that does not mean I’m a less individual than those people with relationship. I can be happy and contented with all the blessings I receive this year, I have a good health, my family and of course my devoted friends that never fails to make me happy all the time.

Being single at the age of 31 does not mean you will be a single blessed, I have friends who got married on their late 30’s or early 40’s.I’m not saying that I will follow their footstep, my point is why is that a lot of people worry much or put pressure so much with singles like me? I’m happy with my life so far this time; I guess everybody should just be happy with that. Many married people wishes to be single like me, I will get married when the right time comes. God knows when the perfect time is.

So for all single people like me don’t be too conscious about your age it will come when it’s time to come. Love has its own way and has different faces. Love can’t be seen only in the face of the opposite sex, you can see it anywhere if you will just open your eyes. And for all the other people out their who’s business is just to tease singles like me I’m not sure if you are concerned or what. But I think it’s better if you just stop talking non-sense, instead do something that will make your life better and inspiring for many to follow.