Is this a choice or a destiny?
Oh my! I’m turning 31 comes December 30, 2009 and I’m so single right this very moment. This will be the last year that I can see my age in the so called calendar. Why that is this calendar only contains 31 days? Well blame it to its maker, my body clock is also ticking I should conceive a child at least by age 30 as per my colleague so the child would be intelligent. But I’m turning 31 few days from now and I’m so damn single! How can I have a child then? Am I really worried about it? I guess I’m not, or should I worry about it?
If I would assess myself I would say that I’m just starting to enjoy my life as single. I had so many things in the past that I had to do. Responsibility in Filipino culture so to say. I really did not enjoy any of my life’s stages be it in childhood, teenage years or being a young adult or young professional. But I won’t say I regret anything I’ve gone through or I’ve done in favor of my family. I’m only saying I’m just starting to live my life after years of sacrifices.
Being single at my age without any serious relationship or even dating someone, am I destined to be single forever? Some say that I should be thinking of marrying right now. In addition to that most of my colleague has their own family and their kids are on their primary years now. As a matter of fact every single time I go home to my province the first question they pop up instead of asking how are you is “when are you getting married’? Even if I go to church same question pops up, especially when my youngest sister had her own family and child. That’s why there are times that I don’t want to show my face to them because I’m tired of hearing the same question over and over again.
One time I chatted with my cousin, we have not seen each other for a long time so we talk for sometime but then again the issue is still the same. Why am I still single, that I’m getting old and I don’t even have a “boy let” or so. She even teased me that I’m the number one old maid candidate.
Sometimes it really irritates me, but it also gives me reason to contemplate and ask myself. Do I really want to be single forever? Am I planning of getting married, have my own family and kids? My answer is I do, I want to have my own family and kids. Maybe it’s not yet the right time or maybe the right man has not come or we have not bump to each other yet. It may sound weird but I felt as if I’m just fifteen and starting to discover the joys and the pains of romantic relationship with the opposite sex.
I’m really not an expert when it comes to relationship especially of the opposite sex, I’d rather say I’m actually dim-witted about it. Or should I say I never really had that much experience because I have this certain standard I’m looking for in a guy. I’d rather choose not to have a boyfriend instead of sticking to a person I don’t love or like. Another reason was I don’t want to start my family without any savings or anything solid I can depend on. They say that getting married comes on the right time, and when that time comes I want to be really prepared not just financially but also emotionally.
I once read a book and there’s a line that really strike me it goes like this…”it’s better to be single than to marry the wrong one”. I definitely agree with this statement, so if you are a single and you have a boyfriend right now and your dying to hear from him the question that every single girl in a relationship wanted to hear. This makes them feel as if they were riding in cloud nine. Think twice or even seventy seven times are you sure you want to hear the question “will you marry me”? Or you are just pressured because your friends and the people you know with the same age bracket are all married and have their own kids?
I heard a pastor said in a sermon about love one Sunday, “if you are not happy being single then don’t even think of getting married”. He even added, if you are not happy being single and just thinking of getting married because you want to fill that “something” missing in your life its better if you stay single. He also added that if you are not happy with your life as a single and your partner is also not happy with his life. Then you two decided to get hook in a marriage, you are combining two unhappy people and what would be the end result then? So again assess yourself, what’s the reason why you are dying to get married. Are you ready to face the challenges with this new face of life or you’re only scared to be tagged as “old maid’? Well let’s make it sound a bit nice to the ears “single blessed”.
I won’t be hypocrite, that’s the same thing I really wanted to hear from my ex, but things are really complicated though we both love each other. Since there are a lot of things that we need to consider in getting married we ended up separating and wait for the right time God says I’m the one or he is the one. If you are in a relationship and you are still looking for qualities your partner didn’t have then its better not to jump to the next level. But if you are sure that he is the imperfect person you are looking for and you are ready to accept him/her for what he/she is then go ahead. Just make sure the feeling is mutual or else you are putting yourself in a life of misery.
Now again, is single blessedness a choice or destiny? I would boldly say it’s a choice, I don’t believe in destiny. We choose our own destiny even during the time of Adam and Eve; we all know what happened, so same thing about being single.
So am I doomed to be single forever? Again, it’s still a choice I haven’t finally decided at this point. It might be a choice that I will make simply because I had no choice at all. I want to have my own family, I guess everybody does. I’m really not a very picky person, but I guess it is just proper to look for someone who will perfectly love the imperfect me. If I found the one then praise God if not then still thank God, there’s a lot of things that can make a man or woman complete. No one can tell that my life is incomplete just because I’m single. Or that I will grow old alone and nobody will take care of me because I don’t have husband or kids. Many married people with kids grow old alone, it’s either their partner died early and they never had a child, in worst cases their children abandoned them.
Being single does not necessarily means you will grow old sad, alone and lonely, it’s really up to the person. Happiness is also a choice, you cannot depend it to anyone or anything. If things can be created, I believe we can also create things that will make us happy it’s all in the mind.
For now, since I’m single, I’ll just be happy about it I can do things that a married woman can’t. Why should I worry much, it will only make me old and ugly. If I stay happy I will stay young and pretty and who knows one of the people reading this might be the one. I don’t lose hope, but even if I nobody comes I’ll just be thankful because I’ve learned how to love and be love even for a while. I may not have a boyfriend right now but that does not mean I’m a less individual than those people with relationship. I can be happy and contented with all the blessings I receive this year, I have a good health, my family and of course my devoted friends that never fails to make me happy all the time.
Being single at the age of 31 does not mean you will be a single blessed, I have friends who got married on their late 30’s or early 40’s.I’m not saying that I will follow their footstep, my point is why is that a lot of people worry much or put pressure so much with singles like me? I’m happy with my life so far this time; I guess everybody should just be happy with that. Many married people wishes to be single like me, I will get married when the right time comes. God knows when the perfect time is.
So for all single people like me don’t be too conscious about your age it will come when it’s time to come. Love has its own way and has different faces. Love can’t be seen only in the face of the opposite sex, you can see it anywhere if you will just open your eyes. And for all the other people out their who’s business is just to tease singles like me I’m not sure if you are concerned or what. But I think it’s better if you just stop talking non-sense, instead do something that will make your life better and inspiring for many to follow.
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